


Tearing out at your feint skin

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scars, Self-Conscious, past self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 22:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7731796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron's scars are always going to be hated by him, but Robert tries to make him see them differently.</p>
<p>Based on a tumblr prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tearing out at your feint skin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This fic was prompted by an anon, who said this: "prompt: aaron being self-conscious about his scars and robert showing how much he loves EVERYTHING about him"  
> Please heed the warnings in the tags. There's nothing explicit, but the scars and Aaron's self-harm is mentioned. This also turned out a lot fluffier than I intended it to be, and I was listening to emotional music as well, so if the characters sound OOC, then that's for why!

Robert knew something wasn’t right the moment that Aaron stood next to him at the bar; his eyes too downcast to be grumpy, his body too jittery to be tired. He frowned and swept his hand down his boyfriend’s back, only for it to be shrugged off.

‘Sorry,’ Aaron grunted, after realising what he had done.

‘What’s wrong?’ Robert asked, to which Aaron just shook his head. ‘Hey. This is me, remember?’

Behind the bar, Chas had caught the tension it seemed, and was eyeing them both. ‘You alright, love?’ 

Aaron didn’t answer her, but instead gripped Robert by the sleeve of his blazer and walked into the back room. Following him, Robert nodded reassuringly to Chas. He’d figure it out, or if he couldn’t he’d comfort Aaron.

His boyfriend sat on the sofa, but far from relaxing in the familiar and secluded environment, he remained jittery: his legs jolted, making his arms and his chin which rested on his clasped hands shake. ‘Hey.’ Robert sat next to him and put a comforting hand on his knee. Aaron looked down at it, but didn’t shove him off. ‘Tell me.’

Aaron shook his head.

‘Baby.’ That name got Aaron to settle. ‘Tell me.’

He pulled his sleeves down over his hands in a way that Robert usually found adorable, but now he knew was Aaron’s way of hiding. He began to worry. Aaron talked. His voice was hoarse. ‘It was hot today at the scrapyard. And I was in my hoodie.’ His voice started to tighten and Robert tentatively put his hand on Aaron’s back. ‘I had to take it off. I couldn’t…’ he breathed shakily. ‘Adam saw my scar. The one on my arm. He wouldn’t stop staring. Like I was some kinda freak—’ His voice cracked and that was as much as Robert could stand. He wrapped his arms around Aaron, holding him close and rocking him like a child. He shushed him soothingly until Aaron had cried himself out. Aaron’s tears stained and dampened Robert’s blue shirt, and Robert felt his own eyes blur and had to blink away the wetness. Aaron needed strength.

‘I just,’ Aaron whispered when he’d got himself under control. ‘I hate them so much, Robert.’ He rubbed his covered hands across his face, wiping away the tears. ‘I hate how they look; how they make me feel. I can’t do _anything_. Don’t know how you can stand to look at them.’

‘Come on, that’s enough,’ Robert said gently. ‘You _know_ they don’t bother me, Aaron. Baby, they remind me that you’re still _here_. They make me so grateful that I was there that day at the scrapyard, when you were thinking about leaving.’ He shook his head. ‘All of that blood, Aaron, I remember that I felt so scared, so afraid of losing you. But I never _once_ felt disgusted by them. And I’m sure Adam felt the same.’

Aaron shook his head. ‘I’m so sick of having to hide them.’

‘Then don’t.’

‘How can I not?’ he growled. ‘How can I go around like _this_?’ He pulled his sleeve up to show the scar on his arm. His eyes started to shimmer again, his voice became thick with tears. ‘It doesn’t show how brave I am, or how much I’ve been through! _This_ just shows how fucked up I am!’

Robert didn’t say anything. He just grasped Aaron’s arm in his firm but gentle grip, and brought it to his lips. He pressed closed mouthed kisses against it. Aaron tried to pull his arm back, but Robert just looked up at him through his eyelashes, then kissed his arm again.

‘Robert. Robert, stop it!’ He did, immediately, and Aaron pulled the sleeve down again. ‘It doesn’t work that way! You can’t just kiss it all better!’

‘I know I can’t,’ Robert whispered. ‘I wish it was as simple as that, Baby. I wish… I’d do anything, you know, to take away your pain. But all I can do is—’ He sighed and took Aaron’s hand. ‘Come on.’

He led Aaron to their bedroom and locked the door behind them. ‘Can I?’ he touched the hem of Aaron’s hoodie. Aaron looked wary, but nodded. But when Robert started to remove his t-shirt as well, he dodged him.

‘Robert, I’m not in the mood for that.’

‘No. No, this isn’t about sex, Aaron. Please, let me?’ Eventually, Aaron nodded and allowed his boyfriend to pull the t-shirt off his body. He threw it on the bed. Aaron immediately covered himself with his arms across his chest and stomach. It made Robert’s heart hurt: Aaron hadn’t shied away from him like this since their first night together after the verdict. ‘C’mere.’ He led him to the mirror. He took Aaron’s hand in his.

‘What’re you doing?’ Aaron asked in a painfully small voice.

Robert kissed his temple. ‘I want you to feel what I feel,’ he said. ‘To see yourself the way I see you.’ He guided Aaron’s hand over his stomach, over the years’ old scars, and the newer ones.

Tears fell down Aaron’s cheeks and, when his hand touched one of the new ones, he flinched and wrenched his hand away from Robert’s. ‘No! No, I can’t do it.’

‘Okay. Shh shh. It’s okay.’ Robert kissed his temple again, and let Aaron look away from his reflection, but didn’t let him move from in front of the mirror. ‘I love every single part of you,’ he said. ‘And I don’t just mean this,’ he moved his hand over Aaron’s body, from his shoulder down to his hip, ‘You are so much more than this physical body, Aaron, though god knows I worship your body.’ He smiled and Aaron’s lips twitched. ‘I mean _everything that you are_. You’re honest and decent. All those things I said in court, you remember? They’re all true, Aaron. And you really are one of the strongest people I know.’

‘How can you say that?’ Aaron whispered. ‘When I look like this? When I wear all of my weaknesses on my skin?’

‘Because you’ve _survived_ , Aaron. You’ve survived, and you’re so good and decent, despite all of that. _That’s_ your strength.’ His gaze darted to the scars on his chest and on his stomach, but then immediately flitted back to Aaron’s blue eyes. ‘I hate that you hurt yourself, Baby, and I hope that you’ve stopped. And I know that I can’t make it better; I know that. But you’re still here, Aaron. And I’m selfish enough to be grateful for that. These scars… they’re part of you, of your past, and I love every part of you.’

‘You love the scars?’ Aaron said disbelievingly.

‘ _You_ , Aaron. I love you. The scars are just a part of what you are. I can’t separate them from you. So yeah, when I say I love you, that doesn’t mean you without the scars. How can it? It’s like saying you without your arms, or without your eyes, or without your moods.’ That pulled another smile from the corner of Aaron’s mouth. ‘Everything about you is precious to me, Aaron. Even these.’

Aaron’s gaze tentatively returned to the mirror; to his reflection. Something shifted within him, and he grazed his hand across his stomach, across the scars. Robert could have sobbed with pride. Instead, he buried kisses in Aaron’s hair, his neck, his shoulder. Aaron exhaled shakily. His hand, when it dropped back to his side, was trembling, and Robert took it in his own; laced their fingers together. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever stop seeing them the way I always have,’ Aaron said. ‘Because I _know_ why they’re there, and what they mean.’ He turned his head, so that his and Robert’s eyes met. ‘But thank you. For… letting me see it differently.’

**Author's Note:**

> Come have a nosy on tumblr!: [Port in a Storm](http://www.portinastorm.tumblr.com)
> 
> Title is a line from 'Bones' by Dustin Tebbutt


End file.
